What a jam

I've made a game for the last four Ludum Dare game jams but this one was a little different.  I had the idea of "Her bedtime stories" for a long time and imagined what it would look like many times. I initially envisioned this game being completely hand-drawn, with a custom font made from my handwriting and everything.  I just wanted the people who played it to really understand that this was all real and true from my heart. With a game jam though, you have to compromise some things and I definitely had to.  At the end of the day though, I'm happy with what I made, but I will probably go in and make some changes post-jam to reflect what I reaaallllyyyy wanted to make. There were some other ideas for floors that just never made it to the drawing floor and I think the game could benefit from those.

The Idea

It's been somewhat of a journey trying to navigate womanhood(?) + relationships when you've had some bad experiences. Decisions made over 5 years ago are still having an effect in such a way I never thought I'd still have to deal with mentally. I didn't do anything wrong and yet I'm stuck in a mental loop after everything and my inspiration for this game still has all the things I lost. Making a game like this has been somewhat therapeutic because I get to express some of the feelings that have just been floating around in my head before I go to bed every night. Now I feel like they have somewhere to go, and I can rest easier. The level design came to me easily, since many of these experiences reflect my own, but the happy, hopeful ending was actually a suggestion from a friend. This was the most emotional part for me to work on because it made me think about the fact that I sort of am "in the happy ending". I am around friends that I feel safe and comfortable around, and they have helped me deconstruct the insecurities and fears I developed due to old company. I feel like they are receptive to my feelings in a way I hadn't really experienced before. I'm happy I wrote in a happy ending because it really has made me more grateful for who I have around me.

Development(on my end)

Day 1 Night: The theme "deeper and deeper" is revealed! In my heart, I know that this is the theme I wanted, and the one that fits perfectly with what I wanted to do. I still had a session with my friends intending to hear out ideas because there might have been a better one. But, I was supported in my original idea and thought about what I would make. I jotted down a loose layout using Notion and went to bed trying to visualize what I would do.

Day 2: This was the art day. This whole day was pretty much dedicated to making sketches only and not even touching any sort of digital program until those were done. I  finished earlier than I thought and moved on to coloring them in using Aseprite. The first thing I made was the title screen art and the gazebo. 

Day 3: This day was dedicated to putting the art into Unity and making the programming + overall design decisions. I think I made about only 4 levels but realized I needed more so I went back to the sketchbook early in the day to make some changes. I replaced a level entirely because I was unhappy with art, and added the dress-up, hands, and leafy scene. I also spent the night drawing the ending art because my endings are usually rushed and I gave it my attention this time. This was also my first time really using animation in a bigger way with the "Draw the line" level. It was time-consuming but in my opinion worth it! I definitely had to learn a lot though.

Day 4: This was an all-nighter and I did so much. I polished the levels I liked the best, dress up and hands, and colored in my ending. I spent the night putting all the scenes together and changing a lot of the sequences. Many things were completed out of order, so part of the problem was going to back fix old mistakes and make sure everything connected. I spent the day drawing some finishing touches and adding in the music that my friends had made.

Music(on their end)

Once I had drawn up a couple of assets, I published them to my portfolio so my musical partners could see and draw some inspiration themselves. I pretty much let them know that the game was divided into sections >Blue>Pink>Purple>back to Blue. I explained what I was going for with each section and let them do their thing. Music didn't get uploaded until the very end, so I didn't know the real feel of the game until the last hour, really.

Fixing Bugs

When I ported my game for the first time I was sincerely not expecting there to be so many problems. I like making my games and just leaving them as is even if there are bugs, but I wanted to show more people from my personal life this game and I felt like given the subject matter, I should make sure to get it right. I still have one problem I've been struggling to fix because it has to do with user input and it gets a little messy. I've made so many updates to my game just regarding bugs and it gets a little tiring but I also want people to get the full experience so I know it must be done!

Publication

This part was really scary. I had never really committed to marketing my games in a way that was "above and beyond". I kind of just posted about it and expected some friends to play it but I wanted people to know this was a big deal to me. But at the same time, I was terrified to do it because I didn't know how people would feel about it. In any given pool of people who know me, the way they feel about me could be extremely mixed, like most people. I knew people who loved me would see it, but also people who had made up their minds that I was not a very nice person. Having people talk about me is something that makes me nervous since I don't really advocate for myself when someone is saying something untrue or hurtful about me. People who are able to have louder voices usually get the final say on what they want people to believe about me, so I knew some people who know me by some degree who didn't like me, who love the person who was my inspiration were going to say some unkind things. At the end of the day, I won't really know what people talk about in regards to it, but the feedback I have received has been very kind